Chucky and Baby Boo!

Possessed by Rituporna Ghosh

2009-03-14T14:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, the mood swing is so stong, saddness grips me and never leaves. But today was an unusual day, I had amazing enery to clean up mu whole house and stay awake till 5 am watchng movies.
And believe it or not, this is a bengali movie. Although born a bengali, I consider myself a fraud. Its not that I dont love the language, lot has to blame on my dear relatives who mocked my funny hini- bengali accent. So the affinity never grew u know, bengal was always a distant land and bengali became a fraud language.
Thanks to Rituporna Ghosh, I like him. We share the same name, "porna". Anyways, watch this movie, Titli. I wanted to be a little girl again, have a idol, write fan mails, live on the hills. Wow!
What have you done to me Ritu Ghosh... What have you done to me.

Lay down beside me

2008-10-22T07:46:00.000-07:00

I've spent my life

Looking for you

And findng my way

wasn;t easy to do

But I knew there was you

All the while

And it's been worth

Every mile

So lay down beside me

Love me and hide me

And kiss all the hurtin'

Of this world away

Hold me so close

That I feel your heart beat

And don't ever wander away

Mornings and evenings all were the same

There was no music

Till I heard your name

I know when I saw you smile

And now I can rest for a while

So lay down beside me
Love me and hide me

Then V/s Now

2008-08-04T07:41:00.000-07:00

Not good!

Weigthy problems .. need to do something ..

boo hoo

2008-05-13T07:18:00.000-07:00

Your recent gesture of jealousy and mocking has surprised me. And feeling quite sad about it, I decided to take the silent way out and blog my feelings.
I am aware that I don’t belong to the category of beautiful people and I am not unhappy about it. I’ve given a deaf ear to your daily rants as well. But you’ve crossed the line by questioning my love for my beau.

Well, it does not lessen my feelings at all for him, but it does show me your soot-filled heart. You remind me of a few beautiful lines from the movie ‘Serendipity’. “The Greeks don’t write obituaries. They ask only one question – Does he have passion?” Because passion my friend is what makes a person an achiever, a lover and who believes in himself.

I’m sorry to say, you lack the passion to appreciate beautiful things in life, be it physical or of the mind. You measure every ounce on this earth with money. Money can’t find you true love. It makes you envious of every little thing in this world. You lose your existence as nothing fits in the category of good for you.

I turned 25!!

2008-05-06T07:05:00.000-07:00

Another birthday passed away! This time 25! Not a good year for celebrating birthdays. Every time I told to myself ‘I will be 25’ my heart missed a beat. Growing scarier and larger as days went by, finally it arrived (on the 1st of may)

It was different, different as my friends missed out the usual b’day party tradition. Parents tried their best to make me feel I am still a kid. Mom made sure that dad got me a colorful cake. “Mama, I’m 25. boo –hooo!”

Six days past the ‘thee-day’ I still feel the same. I am 25 mama, boo hoo!

I can’t get teddy’s another more on my birthdays. I would have to save it for my kids, kids! Oh-my god!! Don’t let me turn 30 please, please.

!

2008-05-06T02:57:00.000-07:00

There is a thin line between a nothing, a thin-line dividing married from being married. Difficult to explain never understood! Our society believes that marriages are made in heaven. We choose a man of honestly and integrity for you, tie you in the knot and set you forth to have a happy life. We do drop in once in a while to check if you are doing well, if the man we selected is keeping you happy.

That’s the concept which has crept into our society. We don’t question our society because we make the society. Questioning it would be like questioning ourselves.

And there is other concept of being married. You follow your heart, chose the man you would love to spend time with and slowly realize that it’s not just time but your whole life you would love to share with each other. Realizing that marriages are made in heaven but it is upon us to work on it.

Such thoughts come naturally to me these days. I’m sure you must have guessed it. That’s right! I am on the verge of getting married. While defining marriage from being married, I was asking myself. Where do I belong? As I love this man, but parents are to decide on how, where, when etc should we get married. Such daily ramblings are making me wonder ‘Why the hell am I getting married?’

I don’t want to marry to add on a list of responsibilities to my new status. I wish to enjoy life and not dread it. Would love to share feelings, argue and pamper myself with emotions.

Naah! Get real, that’s not gonna happen my child! Happiness is my big tourist, and love a nasty tenant. Here I am trying to cross this thin line and give a clear picture. We are a mess, complicated little creatures, giving a brain to which, God, is a big mistake!

In arms of Bangalore

2008-02-27T00:16:00.000-08:00

Baby pulled me out of Bangalore! I wasn't sure. Did I do the right thing? Migrating to a new city wasn't difficult. The flight was arranged, the extra luggage was taken care of. Friends gave a just farewell and lo! within an hour I was setting step in a new city. First few days were good, everything new and I felt like a newborn, it was like being in a new world with a new life and Bangalore was my passed life. The memory of my past life was fading away.
However fortunes fail but the memory remains. Bangy love came back with a bang! I started comparing the twin city with Silicon city.

Pubs: B'lore pubs rock,(hands down) the tiny seats, the kegs of beer rolling, from hardcore rock to accoustic music. The best being the hundreds(some sitting, some standing) banging their heads to "The Memory Remains". Hyd pubs suck! They play indian fusion music.
Restaurants: I was awed by the number of restaurants in B'lore. The best chinese eating joints lined up one after another giving you no choice which one to decide on. In Hyd the restaurants are good, I do agree on that. They have a theme goin on, be serengeti, wang's kitchen. They are all good places to eat. A difficult choice to make..which one is the best.
People: Well, people of hyderabad, what do I say? I am amazed by your unfriendliness, by your callous attitude and your eve-teasing intensions. And Deloitte, I'm still wondering why I joined you??? Your people are not friendly, they pretend to be professionals. I have a colleague who is new in the firm, a few older from the day when I joined. She cried today, cos she was feeling so lonely and left out. People don't talk!!!!! A 'Hi' and you would get a zillion stares.. why you siad that???
I have a zillion reasons too not to stick in this city. But you know family reasons, or else I would have never left Bangalore.
I hated Bangalore once upon a time, when I did not get a good job, living in a rat-hole, barely able to have a bank balance. Yet now when I think of those days, I was able to survive because I found people like me-- having severe problems than mine and yet a smile on thier face. You make friends in minutes and its always fun to hang out with them. yeah even kannadigas were good friends! everything about it is so cool! so funky!
I realise now! Its the peole you know, who make it a better place. Its not the company or the best pay package. Cos everything is a compramise if you are not enjoying it.
Some day I will come back to your arms Bangalore, I promise.

Eye in the sky

2007-07-01T09:59:00.000-07:00

I am the eye in the sky
Looking at you
I can read your mind
I am the maker of rules
Dealing with fools
I can cheat you blind
And I dont need to see any more
To know that
I can read your mind

Real life heroes!!

2007-05-14T22:45:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This story is based on true incident and bears serious resemblance to couple of guys. The incident has been modified for the sensibility of Indian audience.

So here goes the short story:

It was a fine Thursday morning. Bangalore, err, bengaluru was up and running. The barking of dogs, gush of drainage smell and the blaring noise from the vehicles were all too irresistible for Manish. His eyes had barely opened from the late night shift at office. He was more than eager to go back to that charming ‘shithole’. Ishant, was engrossed in his dreams pleasantly unaware of real world.

“Sahab chai” came the hissing voice of Deva. Deva is the housekeeper cum manager of our house. With the dream of being marooned on a lonely island with Salma Hayek shattered, Ishant woke up cursing, his eyes bloodshot from a busy day in ‘Cybercafe’. Before I forget, Manish and Ishant work in the same office and live in the same house. Yes, I agree, even I pity them.

Office was boring, however, Ishant and Manish were loaded with work. One look at them from a distance would prove everyone wrong – Consultants do work!. “F#@!, Gtalk is so slow today” wrote Ishant to Manish. “Change the proxy dude” pat came the reply. I repeat – Consultants do work very hard!. It was 5.30 in the evening and the gallons of caffeine had become inactive. Manish’s energy had been sapped by the ‘load’ of work done over the entire day. “Hey, let’s go to 13th floor” came a message from Ishant. Manish was more than happy to oblige.

“What a view dude! Wish I had a girlfriend” , said Manish sitting in the balcony of 13th floor. The view was incredible. One could see MG Road gushing with traffic, angry husbands returning home from a brief flirt stint at the office, sad wives cursing the working hours to be so short. Three pegs down, Ishant, as sober as ever, asked Manish if they should head back. After all, how long could one spend time bird watching in a pub !
Well, for the larger benefit of Indian audience, two firangs from UK were leading the bird watching count.

“Hi, where have u been”, came a melodious voice from one of the tables, just when Manish had got up from his table. Manish’s eyes lit up. “Here’s my chance”, he thought. A female as fat as a grand canyon, was sitting with one of her friends on the adjacent table. “She’s Anu, my school friend”, introduced a grinning Manish to Ishant. I once heard that friendship is above all relationship. Believe me, it’s so true – Ishant had to stick around with Manish, who was happily talking to this “Big Momma”.

Another couple of pegs, and still Ishant and Manish were sober. With phone numbers exchanged, plans for tomorrow fixed, Manish being a true gentleman offered to ‘drop’ the girls home in an auto. Of course, Bangalore is unsafe for women in the night. As usual, Ishant had to tag along. If you ever wonder how traumatic it was for the four people in the auto, think about the poor auto! Well, Anu’s friend was dropped first and Ishant sighed with relief, for his bu$$ were hurting. “Sahab, paanv neeche karo” came the auto driver’s angry voice. Manish immediately relinquished the royal posture.

Well, the standard auto fare in Bangalore is, err, dependent on the driver’s mood. Anu was also dropped on the way. If you didn’t know, commercial street is on the way to Koramangala from MG road!. Ishant was looking at the marooned roads pondering over the number of pegs he had drank and whether he should drink more. Manish was in dreamland. 13th floor had been lucky for him, he had found a girlfriend. With differing thoughts in mind , it was only the sudden brakes of auto that woke Ishant and Manish. Home was here, and it was almost time for Ishant to complete unfinished business with Salma Hayek. Manish just wanted to crash and wanted Friday to start. He had a date with the devil!

“ 160 hua hai”, shouted the angry driver. With the lousy auto meter reading 96 and one and a half rate, Manish had paid 150 to the driver. He wanted more, may be he could easily make out that these guys were consultants. Manish and the driver were arguing for reasons other than money. Driver had become upset over Manish’s brief royal posture and Manish was arguing against the same. Well, I must sympathize with the auto driver for his poor auto had taken a battering because of the stress it was put under, albeit for half the distance. With things not getting resolved, Ishant, as always- a friend in need is a friend indeed, shoved Manish behind and told the driver to make a move on. Security at the front gate, meanwhile, was admiring the dramatization of a scene straight from a B-grade Kannada action movie. Nothing more was left to argue so Manish and Ishant turned back and passed the front gate. “Wham”, came a thundering noise from behind. Manish was hit on the back with a bamboo stick by the driver and had fallen on the ground. Ishant in his courageous attempt to rescue put his wrist in the line of fire. Another round of bamboo swinging and “Wham”, Ishant’s left palm was in serious pain. Well, unity is strength, so Manish and Ishant finally managed to get hold of the bamboo and just when Ishant got his chance, Manish turned God and said “We don’t want to fight”. Ishant muttered all the possible curses, but as u see, friendship is the most important relationship. Security, till now realizing that this isn’t a John Travolta movie’s fight sequence caught hold of the driver and pushed him in the auto. Well, Manish and Ishant entered the flat. Deva made ice packs for Ishant’s palm and Manish’s back. The auto driver was paid the extra 10 bucks.

It’s the Friday morning. Ishant and Manish are ‘working’ in the office. Chatting is a trouble for Ishant with only one hand free to type and Manish cannot rest his back on the chair. However, Ishant has overcome the pain for Salma Hayek would admire his machoism. Manish has got a scar to show off to his new found love.
Hats off to these real life heroes !!

Emphasized

2007-03-30T03:49:00.000-07:00

Sitting at the corner most table in Popsys with Vidya, last night, staring at dim lights as people ate listening to Bob Marley's 'Stand up for your life' ...I was deciding my life... my next step. Should I stand up and walk away from the humilation that I have faced in that God forsaken place or stick around.
It was this uncertainity that I feared all my life and would run away from. Because running away is a;ways the best solution. The place is absolutely hopless with a bunch of hopeless people running it and ofcourse people who don't have the basic manners. Given the first chance I would run away right now! But keeing in mind that this is the best place for me unlearn myself and indulge in activities that I want to...

My heart is drenched with words and I dont know how to get over it. I asled myself only one question : Is this worth it? the pain, the anger, the frustration and endless feeling of emptiness? I know it is not worth it ..but when I think of the things I have learnt here.. it feels good. However, mistakes happen. I did a typo error yesterday..and even word did not show the mistake. I should have re-checked it ..but loosing a job because of this and being called incompetent is not the right way to deal with it.

Childhood buddies and me

2007-01-03T08:28:00.000-08:00

New year joe!

2007-01-03T08:18:00.000-08:00

Time for resolutions, yeah I know! tough thing to do... but this new year I have deided to stik to my new year resolutions. I annot afford to play around, lot of things are at stake.

1) I have decided to give up drinks completely. I know it is difficult to not go for a drink when friends around me will be holding their glasses, but I am determined to try.

2) I need to start my CVC program, its been a year since I decided to do stories, but was too muddled up to continue it.

3) Will work wholeheartedly in my new job, I wish to do some good stories this year.

4) I wish to resume painting, which I haven't touched in two years. ( Wish I get the painting stuff from someone...its too expensive you know! :-P

5) Need to be serious about savings, I hardly have any savings :-(

Not muh to ask for, and I have to have to ( i swear) have to gulp! achieve this...:-P

2006-11-06T07:20:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you can't make it on your own.
Sometimes you have the courage and all the stuff;
but still it is not enough!

I know I took the first steps and you had no concern...
I was love struck and you were lovelorn...
I would have walked away
You would not even ask me to stay

Something made me stay .. and it was ur lovelorn way
Getting over you would not have been easy
I never tried

Outrage

2006-10-25T04:21:00.000-07:00

Things are becoming difficult day by day.It is a question of survival and I am not doing too well in it...in fact its pathetic. You know when one is desperate for a change, you feel that everything around is slow while you are running to achieve something. Eveyone and everything falls short of completion, and I lose hope in everything.

People tell me once and more that situations need not take control of my well-being. But I wonder, can i blame everything on bad luck or am I incompetent to do anything? Are sweet words good to help me pile up things for another day??

Frustrations and anger can make a person take any step and I am scared ...I hope I don't end up doing something that will mke me regret.

On the contrary, do I have a choice??? At present, its is just full-fleged cribbing and I know lot of people are surely fed-up with it. Its just a matter of time when I get to hear their outburst.

If only I had the power and the control over situations, if only my wish comes true!

Numb Uncomfortably!

2006-10-06T06:46:00.000-07:00

Is there anybody in there?
Can you hear me?
Come on, I will ease your pain.
I need some information first...show me where it hurts?

Damn, he said, he can't figure where it hurts the most. Its a numbing pain and there is no gain. There is a lot of pain and it wishes to recede. But the pain is stubborn you know. He wants to hurt the child. He wants the child to feel what he feels, cry when he cries and see through his eyes.

The child asks me for help with crying eyes. He asks me, "Why should I feel the pain when its all your doing?" I feel the guilt.

I am knocking at heaven's door. I want to be numb.

Numbness is another word for ignoring. You can always become numb but you can never ignore. I want to be numb, numb to my heart more than anything else.

I want to reach the ultimate peace.

Bangy love!

2006-10-03T23:25:00.000-07:00

Today Bangalore is in a sleepy mood. The city is resting after a very long time.

There are no traffic on the roads, shops are closed and the increasing pollution levels have stooped down heavily. All the environmentalists will be thanking the Bandh organised in the State by various qrganisations over the border dispute with Maharastra. But ofcourse, traders and buisnesses across the city will be faring a loss. And I am sure, millions of professionals are welcoming it too but few might be sulking as they will hve to give up a Saturday in work.
I wish there was a camera in my hand right now..then I would have shown you how one of the busiest roads in the city runs empty.

I ain't no lucky professional you know cos right now I am in office. My company provided me utmost security, they got me a cab early in the morning with a lurching security guard. Well, I am sitting in my cabin with the silkboard flyover under my nose. The Whitefield road is absolutely empty, sometimes a car or a bike passes with full speed.

Everyday Bangalore streets are vomitting filth, smoke, dust. Cramped roads, overflowing walkways (with people) and traffic jams. Today she is breating fresh air after a long time. She is breating happiness and I am happy for her.

Apart from thinking about Belgaum and protesting (I am sure they are right in doing that) politicians need to think about Bangalore. She is the silicon capital of the country. I sincerely hope that Bangalore does not become a sinking city. I love her!

Lost soul

2006-09-17T13:53:00.000-07:00

Is it just her absence or is it just my inherent fear that is driving me nuts these days. The term is dragging with loads of free time but I have no clue how to utilise my free time. I remember the good old days when a boy calling himself demi-God denied himself from enjoying every moment with a beautiful angel thinking at every moment about the possible consequences of turning into a normal human being. Now, with the fear of confessing to his parents looming large on his head he desires the presence of that angel not because he lacks the courage to confess but because he seeks constant affection from angel during these trying times.
Life is going to take a dramatic turn in a few months. I am not worried , however, I seek refuge from any upcoming damnation. I have faced a lot of heartbreaks , lots of anxiety throughout my childhood and thus, I am not ready to face any more heartbreaks. No, this does not deter me from taking my stance rather this only encourages me to fight with valor. And I know I will. Afterall, when solace is not a foregone conclusion then valor is the way out of trauma.

Love,
Me_who_else

Terror Attack v/s Gandhi's Satyagraha

2006-09-11T09:19:00.001-07:00

Today is a day of events. We commemorate the fifth anniversary of 9/11 and on the other hand it is the 100th year marking of Gandhi's satyagraha. An ironical event I must say when non-violence meets violence. It was fatal day in the history of US while terror struck the bottom of World economy, while 100 years ago it was an important day in the history of India's independenc when Gandhi fought against the British empire following non-violence.

Well, the irony does not end here, while Munnabhai is celebrating the success of its Gandhigiri, the protagonist Sanjay Dutt waits with baited breath for the verdict of 1993 bomb blast where he has been accused by Abu Salem. His entire career stands on the descision the court will announce in a few days.

Terrorism is mocking at us. Intelligence failure is the common word....with the Malegaon Blast happening withing few months of the fatal seven blasts that struck Mumbai in July. I don't know when will it strike again. And when it does, there will be few sketches released again. We will moan the death of our countrymen, ministers will condemn the blasts and it will take years for the court to announce a verdict.

A thought passes my mind and I am giving it serious thought....should we fall back on Gandhi's Satyagraha? How long are we going to play tit for tat game. Arrest Saddam and link him with Al Queada and leave Osama bin Laden lurking around to strike again? Should gandhigiri be our moto to regain the lost world?

Missing!

2006-09-09T08:26:00.000-07:00

Its a saturday night and I am at office.. it does sound weird but that part of life these days. Been working on saturday and sunday nights expecially so that I don't waste time sitting in coffee shops gaping at people or their attire. Neither do I wanna spend my time window shopping or spending the bucks... so this is the best I could choose. Keeps e emensly busy. Today boredom reached its peek...its the aftereffect of all teh things I have been growing through in the past few days.Friedns advice definetly comes handy at these situations .. but I lack his presence...which is more important to me than anything else.

We do talk on the phone.. mail each other cute e-cards keep a knowledge of each others wearabouts.. and this is to fill in the gap.. that we miss each other a lot. I hated staying in hostel .. hated cos I missed mum's cooked food...and I missed bro so much .. but now the situation has suddenly shifted towards another person. I miss mum .. but have got adjusted to this lifestyle so much ....

I miss the weekends I used to spend at 404 .. ironically when we werent sure of our future we were close to each other but now when things are different ... I am miles away...this is called Zindagi ke naye mor pe!

In Blog country

2006-09-08T07:40:00.000-07:00

Its only here where I pore out my thoughts...and I am not happy with few things .. rather lot of things that happen in my life. Bro wants to come here and keep a check on me. For some unknown reason I too dont wanna this to happen. It is different staying with him. While I am a quiet person.. who loves to have a silent place in the house. A small corner where I can stay the whole day with my books and thoughts. Whereas he loves to probe into my thoughts. He always tries to know the real person in me and so loves to keep a track over everything I do. the way he does it makes him look like a caring and a wonderful brother and no wonder all my friends adore him. They wish that they had a bro like him. We are strangely very similar in dealing with everything and as they say that opposites attract .. bro and me are so alike that we repel all the time.

He is coming to keep a watch on me. To see what kind of friends I have, if they are the right friends for me. To see if I eat properly...in a way make me a carbon copy of himself. Kill the freedom inside me. I too hate fights .. I too hate going against my family but I guess there are certain times when people don't realise that they are are unconsiously killing my individuality. (If I would have to say this to my brother .. he would call it a strong word and me a stupid girl .. thats waht I have heard for a long time).

Nishant and Prashant bhaiya have raised the question of me taking a stand. I know the reason why they are insisting on it .. cos as days go by it is going to be become important for me to make mum realise how imp somethings are to me. On secondary thoughts .. I have taken my stand on lot of issues in my life...3rd year college, hostel, among people and I do stand for what I believe in. I never share my experinces in life with anyone..I don't pry into my past and dig out the instances that show my valour, my beliefs and make me a hero in everybodies eyes. Its simple .. in three of my spiritual quest I have the learnt the biggest word in my life i.e. adjustment. Belive in modesty and keeping to myself. Actually, I prefer living in my thoughts rather in the world. There is so much peace over there. In psychology this is called having an inferiority complex...wherein the person is unable to face the harsh realities world has to offer. i diagree with this. I just prefer hide in my mind whenever I want.
Anyways, I do this all the time ... trying to reason out my actions, provide an answer to myself. But there are so many ideologies, proven reasons to prove me wrong that I become jittery and then return to blog world to regain my tranquility. I will be coming soon again. :-)

2006-09-07T06:22:00.000-07:00

So I become the selfish girl who cares only for herself and gives a damn about others feelings. I do whatever he askes me to do. I have stood by his side when parents gave up on him. And today when I did not share a personal thing with him, I become a bitch. He threatens me that he will tell mum about N. Probably by now he must have done the damage. Mom and Dad think that I don't want to help bhaiya. They think that I am waisting my money in following a stupid lifestyle.

N loses his trust in me and is left hurt and angry. That is also for the same reason, I did not mention an incident to him.
Friends never mattered to me anyways. Bhaiya questions every step I take and yet he says that most of the time I have the freedom to do things i want to.

Fine. God, I am facing this and I won't complain about it at all. Don't you think I deserve a severe punishment that this? . So God, do something more....test my patience, my tolerance. I pledge that I won't budge...Will bear it in silence...as no point telling anyone. As whenever I open my mouth to voice out my feelings...people get hurt.

Hypocritically polite

2006-08-22T01:24:00.000-07:00

Making a prejudicious comment is becoming part of everyone these days. Probably its just a way to give vent to our frustrations. A recent event or rather a rift with a "not so close friend" has left me in the foulest of moods possible. I never knew a casual remark can turn harmful and bitter relations. It actually started in a stupid and joking manner, when a Pg mate of mine (whom I shall refer as doc) was on a conversation with her boyfriend. She wished to involve me in the conversation and handed the phone to me. A query from her guy on whether doc is punctual about her food.
The guy does have peculiar way of talking and I was amused by it. He sounded neither American, or British but a starnge mixture of both. That provoked a funny remark from me which was immediately passed on to him. This was enough to cause a rift and a series of e-mails started.

Well, I guess I was rude, but arent we all like this? Umpteen times I have heard associates telling me " I hate bengalies." " Hello, will you do that story please." Or sometime pass comments on my attire. Yes, they do hurt but I have never made an issue out of it or confronted my friends for it. As I am scared to be called overtly sensitive. (Being sensitive is considered as a weakness.) These are mallicious comments and probably gives the person a sense of joy.

The garb of sweetness in us has vanished. Now, its pure buisness and nothing else. I too have taken up the snappy attitude. If you are being rude with me, why the hell should I be good and polite with you.

There have been times when I have lashed out at my friends. Told them things that I should not, however, nothing made a difference. As people continue to be as they are and do what they like to do. Its a cool statemnt to be rude and have an attitude. Sadly, these people are bloated up with false pride and confidence and their vision in fogged.

I have friends who expect me to give them attention all the time. Some have even remarked openly, "Sri, you don't care for me these days." Seriously, I am left surprised, to what level my caring and sharing capabilities should be.

Trip to Bhemeshwari

2006-07-25T03:49:00.000-07:00

Many a times I wondered why Nishant had refused to go to Bheemsehwari. Was is due to less funds, or less time or the worst of all-no interest. I could never get an answer to that but when in June we decided to make a trip to the Cauvery Fishing camp, I heard a strange voice telling me that this is bound to be special. An ordinary trip for anyone but for the Taurean inside me, this was special.
I was looking forward to meet him again. Afterall we were meeting after three months. There was so much to talk about, so much to share and moreover an intense desire to see him. Love can make you go abosolutely crazy u know!

I was in seventh heaven maybe even a higher one till the moment we were together. The next day we started for Bheemshwari.We started from my place at nine in the morning, it was a nice morning, cloudy skies, cool breeze blowing and lots of eager people in a hurry to reach office.
It was a tiring three hour journey to the camp and Oh what a sight it was! We were nearing the camp and going uphill, one could see the Cauvery water gushing down the hill. I was thrilled, never had seen such a sight before. We reached the camp quite tired and the sun shining above our head. We reached our room through coracle boats. The boatman said there were crocs in the water, but we never encountered one. In the evening we went for rafting, there were three females, Mr N and Mr Vishnu (the guide). I was the boat leader.. even though I am shit scared of water ha ha ha! but i did it .. I rowed the boat for 8.5 km.

There was a camfire in the night, the sight was so beautiful that even words can't do justice in describing it. It was pitch dark, few dim lights were switched on in some huts and the sound of water gusing filled the ears. A small fire with booze and roasted chicken legs yummy! what more could you ask for :-) ...

The next morning was spent on the hammocks and swings. Taking in as much fresh air as we could. The trip was good, a well deserved break, an optimum scenic drives ...I am overwelmed... wanna go there again ;-)

Comeback!

2006-06-18T14:12:00.000-07:00

Life was at miserable best. Not that I was neglecting my daily chores, just that everything I did felt meaningless. "One of these days I would overcome my frustrations" was what I always thought.
... These were some lines from my isolated heart....

Bittersweet emotions knock on my heart,
Dying hope and dying love shreds it further apart,
“Friendship” is a complex beast,
That doesn’t allow a moment’s peace.

Workings of the heart are strange,
Though not reciprocated on another’s part,
Still mine yearns for her nearness,
Though another part of me mourns,
As she is yet so far away……

Finally, I could take it no more and I decided to end our woes. As she would say "Martyr rose from deathbed" :-) . I know it's too early to commit anything but I pledge to fight like a true soldier.

birthday wishes

2006-04-30T22:41:00.000-07:00

These were mixed feelings when the cake was kept in front of me and people sang the age old eternal birthday song. Was I really celebrating my birthday that day? I don't know as I sat staring at the walnut cake kept in front of me. Neither was I sad about being born on the first of may. All I was reminded was of the song first of may by bee gees.
When I was small, and christmas trees were tall,
We used to love while others used to play.
Don’t ask me why, but time has passed us by,
Some one else moved in from far away.

Now we are tall, and christmas trees are small,
And you don’t ask the time of day.
But you and i, our love will never die,
But guess we’ll cry come first of may.

Birthday brings in new thoughts, new dreams and desires to live for. Its been the same with me this time. Well, its just my 23rd year..I have a long life ahead. I dream of moving into something better and brighter. Something thought provoking and more satisfying for my soul. That is something I find within..as I sit among mixed matched friends and celebrate my birthday. Nothing great about the first of may .. just that it is a new day, a new world for me. A floral dress, lovely food and groups of friends joyously celebrating my shift to being more mature, smart and a responsible girl.
Hoping to live up to the demands of the 23rd year in my life. But my heart aches to live in the skies. The world of imagination becons me to become emotionally independent..(something that I shall find always difficult). To let life take care of itself.

This is my India

2006-04-18T03:33:00.000-07:00

Someone once said, " India being a multi-linguistical, multi-cultural country, needs to be rational. But Indians are quite irrational in their approach." We live in a country where irrationality rules our politics.

We belong to a culture that worships gods and demi-gods. The day Rajkumar died, southern region of Karnataka came to a standstill. The city of Bangalore had a deserted look by five in the evening as pan shops, petrol bunks; restaurants were moaning Anavaru’s death.

This was expected to happen as Rajkumar is considered as the soul of Karnataka. I heard that he was a good actor. However, closing down a vibrant city on the death of an actor was quite irrational.

We don’t realise that emotions and logic do not go together. Similar incidents took place in Tamil Nadu when MGR died. History will repeat itself when eminent film stars and politicians leave their mortal soul.

I won’t crib about hero worship, all I would say that when I see people believing swami’s and baba’s as avatars of god, reel stars are real life hero’s, saints and mahatma’s doing miracles that India is still a mystic land.
We may become a global powerhouse but the crux will still remain the same. We will still moan and have bandhs when an actor dies.
Girls will still cry when Shahrukh Khan dies in a movie.

A fortnight in heaven

2006-04-13T23:32:00.000-07:00

Never knew that 15 days would pass in a wiff. It was like we were making a mental note of everything we were doing or saying. Cherishing every single moment we are spending in each others company. I was looking forward to this relief of 15 days for two months now. But it turned out to be a hectic fortnight as well. Meeting him in the mornin and then go to work in the sunny afternoon. But you forget your aches and pains when you love someone very passionately and thats what I did.
The trip to wonderla, the staying up whole night and just listening to the conversations he and his friends had. The booze sessions that would go up till 4 in the morning. These 15 days would be my most cherishable days ever. Well, we did have our little fights, mood offs, mushy talks...attentions seeking in these 15 days. But the real bolt came last night, when I was in IIM with him. We were waiting at the terrace for the daru janta to join us when he said ther he did not want me to see him off at the station. I was eager to see him off at the station, when I see tears in his eyes. Seein men cry is the worst thing, believe me. I can never see my dad or brother cry. It pricks my heart...it pricks more when your love cries. Later when booze had taken all over us, friends dilly dallied to their rooms, tears came rolling down my cheek as well. We cried in each others arms saying words that are embedded in my brain 'will miss you'. Today he is leaving for ISB, aspiring to be a manager within a year. I wished him all the best for life..donno when we will meet again. Well, Hydrabad is not that far :-)

I have that little hope in me that we would be together even though families may not agree. I have faith in GOD above and I have faith in my love.

Jaanu says the following:

2006-04-04T05:02:00.000-07:00

1. My name: Sri
2. Where did we meet?: In my house (404)
3. How long have you known me?: About 10 months
4. How well do you know me (a lot, not so much, nothing)?: A lot
5. When you first saw me what was your first impression? Girl wth no attitude, hassle free
6. Mi birthday?: Labor Day
7. Hair colour?: Black..u got it coloured but it does'nt show :)
9. Do you remember the first things I said to you when we first met? Hmm...you are hot!!
10. What's my fav type of music?: Coldplay...I dunno what type it is
11.What's one of my fav things to do outdoors?: shopping
12. Am I shy or outgoing? outgoing
13. Would you consider me a friend?: Yes

14. Have you ever seen me cry? If yes, when?: Many times
15. If there were one good nickname for me, what would it be? Doll

AM I………. ?!?!?!?
17. Quiet or loud? Mixture of both
18. Short or Tall: short
19.Weird or original: original
20. Smart or stupid? smart
21. Boring or Fun? fun
22. Attractive or Unattractive? Attractive
DO YOU THINK I'M... (yes or no, if u wanna say something extra say it)
23.A psycho? no
24.Athlethic? no
25. A nerd? no
26. Two-faced? no
27.Immature? a little
28. Mature? yup
JUST A FEW MORE QUESTIONS

29. What is the worst thing about me? Lending a shoulder to almost anyone
32. What song(if any)reminds you of me? Fix you
33. Do I remind you of any characters on TV? Will let you know once when I figure this out
34. If you could rename me, what would my name be? Your name is preety I would'nt change it
35. A feature that you like about me as a person: sensible
36. If you could give me anything, what would it be? lots of happiness
37. If you could describe me in one word, what would it be? cute
38. What word do I say all the time? Listen Listen
39. Is there anything you'd like to say to me? Be urself...don't change even for me

This is what Meera had to say abt me...

2006-03-29T03:20:00.000-08:00

1. My name: chumki :P
2. Where did we meet?: atp bhajan hall
3. How long have you known me?: 5 yrs
4. How well do you know me (a lot, not so much, nothing)?: a loooot
5. When you first saw me what was your first impression? now here's one sensible chick:)
6. Mi birthday?: 1st may-labour day
7. Hair colour?: black
9. Do you remember the first things I said to you when we first met? u laughed...coz i 'd broken my specs:((
10. What's my fav type of music?: rock
11.What's one of my fav things to do outdoors?: hitting the discs these days???
12. Am I shy or outgoing? ambivert
13. Would you consider me a friend?: a very good one
14. Have you ever seen me cry? If yes, when?: lotsa times.....
15. If there were one good nickname for me, what would it be? chumki's ur copyright:P
AM I !?!?!?
17. Quiet or loud? quiet
18. Short or Tall: short:P im taller boss!
19.Weird or original: originally weird:P
20. Smart or stupid? smart,i must say
21. Boring or Fun? fun...aint i ur companion:P
22. Attractive or Unattractive? an attractive bong!
DO YOU THINK I'M... (yes or no, if u wanna say something extra say it)
23.A psycho? not yet:P
24.Athlethic? yeah...as athletic as a puppet:P(remember final year sports day :P)
25. A nerd?
26. Two-faced? no
27.Immature? no
28. Mature? yes
JUST A FEW MORE QUESTIONS

29. What is the worst thing about me? ur miles away
32. What song(if any)reminds you of me? she's got the look
33. Do I remind you of any characters on TV? tweety:P
34. If you could rename me, what would my name be? ms journo bongy
35. A feature that you like about me as a person: a single feature???
36. If you could give me anything, what would it be? a job as a copywriter or editor in my publishing firm...when i own one:P
37. If you could describe me in one word, what would it be? S.T.U.P.I.D
38. What word do I say all the time? nah-dont know this one
39. Is there anything you'd like to say to me? fill one and send it to me too:P

Sleepy Me!

2006-03-17T02:04:00.000-08:00

Lately I have developed a strange habit ..It is afternoon napping. Somehow it gets very difficult to keep my eyes open in the late afternoons...as the clock ticks 3 or 3:15 pm. I start dozing on my chair .. miss fast fingers becomes miss lazy fingers..

In the morning it is a mad race .. when I have to change every damn story that has a dateline of yesterdays .. my mall bozz does not realise that it all depends on the stories that come from UNI ... he is actually a prick... I am sorry for using that word on him .. but he is biased to the core ....We have an arse licking team leader who knows nothing about journalism ..imagine this ... few days ago .. milesovic was the news .. and there were many stories that were flowing in on him... when i said lets carry him on the home page ..she was like " naah, leave it, we cant carry stories of anyone who just dies like that. So what he was denied astate burial." these were her exact words.

They did not want to carry stories on bird flu .. when it forst hit India..and now if there is any feature story on bird flu . it is discarded. My boss is very proud that he has been a journalist for 15 years in Kerala ...and will all the work ex he cannot edit a good story or decide on a good layout for the page.. we never have meetings to discuss how to go about the stories ...

Grr...hy head is out of my control right now and it is difficult to keep my eyes open. So I am going home now ...thats the best part of working six or seven days in a week.. you work for six hours a day .. i work from 10 in the mornn till 3 or 4 max .. and the rest I am blogging or sleeping ...

Well, it is time to go home now ..I am planning to see brokeback mountain at any cost tomorrow .. I hope it happens ..zzzzzzzzzzzz

Work Work and only work

2006-03-12T01:48:00.000-08:00

This has been the most eventful week. I have been working for two weeks continuously and it is about to enter its third week.
Today being sunday, is no relief for me. Stories are coming in and I have to complete them. Its three in the afternoon and I am very sleepy. It is due to the party I had last night. Yesterday, while I was still in office working :-( kuwar and mohit (Barsha's friends) called me over for a party. Initially I thought it was a prank played on me.

However, it is always difficultfor me to say no for a party. The work, boring Pg always becons me to run away from them and have fun. We went to LOR..

It felt like this is my day, they had all my favourite music playing. 'Taquila Sunrise' followed by 'Peaceful Easy Feelling' and on and on...

Holi is coming soon and I dont have a holiday even then. I will be working in office while eveyrone will be having fun playing with colours. yeah! it does make me feel a little sad..but when I think about the earlier project that I was in...the monotonous work I had there..i feel better with my present position as a content provider in the news team...

Phew! I am on the verge of falling off the chair and i badly need a sleep .. write late zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzz

I MiSs My BaBe

2006-03-11T02:33:00.000-08:00

Solitude in my heart,
Gosh, I dont know where to start
I look at you, while you sleep
God! why does he weep?

A storm rages in your heart
Lying dormant for years,
Now it takes the shape of tears,
Agony and Despair,
Becoming dominant everywhere...

Hate, makes me her bait
While goodness stands behind the gates
Sorrow asks me to follow her
I know this is wrong
I have to be strong

A prayer passes my lips,
While you sleep,
I know this is your war
And this is just the start

Goodness will fight itself
Life, a slient spectator
I see you strife,
I feel the pain,

In this bitter war;
There is no one to gain...

Sabki ek kahani hain

2006-03-07T03:50:00.000-08:00

We lead a normal life. Get up in the morning, a career to take care of, family, daily social problems. But there is a story in our hearts that lies dormant. A story, which forces of nature tend to erase and with the pain in our hearts we carry on with our lives. A story so sublime that complexities of daily life evaporates in front of it.

Yeah I too have a story. It is not about the forbidden love between the same sexes but a love story, similar to all love stories. Yesterday, I opened my heart to this new friend of mine. Her name is Pushpa, she did not have a story to tell me. However, the connectivity between us provoked me to carry on. Later, she too confessed that she is missing this particluar person in her life who entered her life as a storm and took her heart away.

Yeah, we all have a story to tell. A story which may not be as sublime as brokeback mountain. But we all have our own mountains. A painful section in our hearts where we dread to walk into. Somehow I find a connection between crash and brokeback mountain In the speed of life I collided with someone, a feeling broke out and it was against the forces of nature. I only imagine of a life where there is no caste, no creed. I imagine of a world where the obsolete social norms do not rule our lives. Where families and society dont go against the forces of love.

Love is a strange feeling, it may last a few seconds, a few years or a few months but when felt there is nothing like it. Nothing ever matches up to that. There is still optimism in my heart. I am alone in the arena but is not a fight. It is a feeling that is cherishing the love, the care and living with the pain. Happiness is a pleasure between two pains and we all live with that.

There comes a time when we wanna control our destiny. We want live the idealistic life where we make our own choices and feel happy about it. Destiny has an upper hand and is always a step ahead of us. I am not waiting for a new life or a new change. Living with the pain helps you deal with anything in life. It makes you strong, it makes you feel that similar to million of people across the world you too have a story to tell. A story that becomes your little secret and stays locked in your heart. These are the complexities of life and neither you nor I can surpass them. We live with it...

he he thats me gulp! OMG

2006-03-05T01:30:00.000-08:00

.:Venus:.

"You thrive on balance in all aspects of your

life. You have a great deal of passion and

when it comes to love, you like to play

games. You have a tendency to search for

something better, a search which always seems

to come up short. You have difficulty finding

satisfaction in life, but you have a great

ability to get along with almost

anyone."

. : : Which Astrological Planet are You? : : . [10 Gorgeous Pics!]
brought to you by Quizilla

Bang bang

2006-02-28T04:14:00.000-08:00

It has become a habit to be here at the end of the day. Today work got over fast, we were very choosy about the stories needed for the home page .. and the ones that would be on the news page. Well, the html guy is slow and is always confused. Its a pain working with him.. hope he learns fast so that work gets a little more easier for us.
Alright here is te interesting part, a new female joined the hitiki team. She is blond and has amazing curls, thats is not the interesting thing ... since the lunch break i have been getting weird stares from her. being a little astounded I got opinions from friends egrading my attire, it was in a manageable state ...the female would not remove her eyes from me. I am thinking the same as to what you might be thinking...right?

Lets see.. whats for tomorrow ....oh btw she will be in the german party as well!!

2006-02-27T04:37:00.000-08:00

Here I am again after two weeks! feels like a new person altogether. Hola I am atlast where I always wanted to be.. the news team. The website will be going online on the 1st of march and wwe have been working our arse off. My team is the ol' ones ... we are preety acquianted with each other ..still there is something missing. I wish we transform into realtime journalist and firstly get rid of the sick old reporting head of mine..

Been a reporter in some newspaper in Kerala, he is the sickest person to work with. No offence ment to my null friends but 'yours truly' hates them and strictly believes that a mallu can never be your best friend and ofcourse they are very biased boss. Yesterday was shivratri and the enthusiasm in my PG was reaching high... probably cos of the belief that if you pray earnestly to lord shiva, you get a husband like him. While some were busy cooking their special 'fasting meal' another babe was too escited about a documentary being aired on BBC, which was showcasing her BPO company. It was a crazy day yesterday. Sunday was no more sulking day and I was having fun seeking all the idiocransies we girls are capable of.

grr, I am missing out on the Oscar fever movies on Zee Studios ... I wish I could stay at home for few more days and relax ...thats the lazy side of me thats has taken over now..today's work is over but I am too lazy to look into my news section ...probabaly it is time for me to get drunk. Oh that reminds me 'ze zermans' in my office are giving a party...well the inivitation ws quite tempting and they said we could bring along our Bf/Gf/spouses.

Welcome to Fightclub!

2006-02-11T11:27:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder whether there is any truth to movies like fightclub...Dual personality.. Well frankly, I believe I have a dual personality. But is it me or my ego self who is writing this ??

I have ways of expressing my emotions, though, they are very subtle and difficult to perceive. One half of my brain tells me that there is nothing called love in this World but only momentary attraction towards another specie. The other half contradicts by saying that love is an important essence in life and what is a good custard without a strong essence ??

In the battle of the two halves the first half wins hands down... It thinks about the consequences, the farfetched ambitions... It advices me to take a pragmatic step.. Allows me to control my tear jerking hormones in check..

Finally, the battle is truly and surely won by the first half when my second half also admits that love might give u small term pleasure and happiness ..it is after all the overall happiness of ur near and dear ones that should ultimately be thought of....

I will always be a member of this fightclub.... And those who are ready to become a member of this club...Only one rule of fightclub... U don't speak about fightclub with anyone else..

2006-02-07T02:42:00.000-08:00

aye saala
abhi abhi huaa yaqeen
ki aag hai mujh mein kahi
hui subaah main chal gaya
suraj ko main nigal gaya
ruu-ba-ruu roshni heyy

jo gumshuda-sa khwaab tha
voh mil gaya voh khil gaya
uulon hathaa pighal gaya
kichhaa kichhaa machal gaya
sitaar mein badal gaya
ruu-ba-ruu roshni heyy

dhuaan chhataa khula gagan mera
nayi dagar naya safar mera
jo ban sake tu hamsafar mera
nazar mila zara

aandhiyon se jaghad rahi hai lau meri
ab mashaalon si bhad rahi hai lau meri
naamo nishaan rahe na rahe
ye kaaravaan rahe na rahe
ujaale mein pee gaya
roshan huaa jee gaya
kyon sehte rahe
ruu-ba-ruu roshni heyy

dhuaan chhataa khula gagan mera
nayi dagar naya safar mera
jo ban sake tu hamsafar mera
nazar mila zara
ruu-ba-ruu roshni heyy

aye saala

One Life many masters'

2006-02-06T04:47:00.000-08:00

Out of the blue when the dipressing and head hitting talks were over. The guiatarist stared it actually. He was the one who set the melencholic mood while reciting a pablo honey song. He later sent me a link to a website that would be able to tell me about my past.
It says I was a male in my past birth, born in 1375 in Ukraine and I was a writer of ancient inscriptions. What the heck,whatever I might be in past birth it does'nt matter.
Back to reality, in this gravity, I've lost my sanity..I wanna lose myself.

Descending Life (part 2)

2006-01-29T22:04:00.000-08:00

Had an eventful weekend. I could never have this wild weekend if not for him. We went to purple haze, my first visit to that pub. It was worth the visit as the music and the videos were awesome.
Tow days later went to see Rang De basanti, came back in the evening and left for a long drive at night. We went all the way to Bidadi, sat in a dhaba and had hot mutton curry and chai. It was 11 in the night; we drove back immediately and reached home within 56 minutes. Time passes faster than ever when I am with him. Saturday started on a very bad note. I woke up with a bad dream, saw people in my dream whose memories I want to erase. My eyes were swollen due to the night travel, and tears kept rolling. Nothing could stop them, knew that this was an over reaction of emotions but sometimes you cannot help. You want time to stop and relive every moment you have spent. Sometimes, you want the tears to flow and take away with it all the thoughts and sorrows embedded in your heart for a long time. I felt like the tears were healing me. They were soothing the scars.
I called up mom and spoke to her for a long time, hearing mom’s voice helped me further. That concern in her tone, my gruff voice could tell her that I was upset and had just woken up from sleep. It feels so amazing when someone you love can read your mind, they look at you or hear your voice and understand that their son/daughter is going through a rough stage and needs their help.
Look at me, I am going to be 23 and I still cry like a baby when my mom scolds me. I cry when I hear sadness in her voice. Maybe girls like to cry just like that, it was never easy for me to bring out the tears a few years ago. I remember my friends referring to me as a boy because I would never cry. Optimism was part of me and I would always stand up and fight for what I believed in. Today, things have changed; probably it’s the hormones!

That evening I was supposed to finish my work but something was stopping me, I continued chatting with my friend. Well, I assumed Saturday night to be a quiet one but he made it special. I cooked dinner that night, of course with his guidance. We had a small drink and then watched a good movie, SAW. Wasn’t a scary at all but it cleared my concept about life. Sunday morning, was the match between India and Pakistan. I wanted to see the mixed doubles tennis match but there was no power. I want time to pass even faster but it would not. Anyways we had lunch and went in search for a restaurant where we could see the match. It was a coincidence that we came across a few other friends from IIM. Then there was no stopping, things kept happening at a faster rate. We went to their campus, played pool, listened to music and watched the match. That evening things turned for me, cannot explain in words how it felt. I had lost everything. Anyways later we watched the movie Rang de Basanti once again, I gained a feeling of self-realisation. But I am loosing something valuable from my life. Ahh, there I go again, over-reacting to something that has not happened. Loosing my priorities and focusing on the minor issues in my life. I wanted to mention this in my diary and not here but I know if I start writng it, it would be all the more melancholic and depressing.
So be it, from now on I will not let my insecurities over rule me...this is just a phase and thou too shalt pass!

Descending life!

2006-01-19T02:35:00.000-08:00

Reached ground zero again! Your life takes a complete circle and comes back to the point from where you started this adventurous journey. All the experiences you thought you had gained was actually nothing, its lost in history and again you make a new start. Its like the time of harvest where you plant a seed at the beginning of the season and then cut it and sell to the merchants. You gain something from the time, money and the hard work you have invested in taking care of your crops. When the journey of life ends abruptly, you are at ground zero, your investments have gone to waste.
Well, you dont give up then, you start a second journey, making sure that the take-off would be just right. Then again, a technical snag (which you can call destiny or man made) and snap! ground zero.
Then you wonder there must be some problem with the way you are moving or dealing with everything or may be someone is purposefully doing this to you. There are people who would sit and cry and mope 'why me? what have I done wrong?' But you are not the ostrich who buries its head and forget the problems. You decide to find a solution because you want to suceed in your flight journey. You want the investments to reap. Well, again snap! and boom! its over.
You cant do anything about the loss, its done, its gone for. Let it go! just lose control and see where life takes you...but no we dont do that. We want to control every thing and every action. Well, did you know that all the time while you thought you were the controller of your life, someone else was holding the real reins. Someone was making the wrong moves knowingly and now your life is F***ed. Someone who all the time knew that your life is going to snap. That person made sure that you went on that adventurous journey and then lose control. That person is destiny my friend or am I aiming at something else?

Take the risk and then let it go....You dont know where it will take you....cos its either everything or nothing. Thats the game of life. This is gambling and I have lost the game. The question is would I play again??

credence

2006-01-19T02:24:00.000-08:00

Was pondering over the phrase 'thinking out of the box'. What does that actually mean? I came to a conclusion that it means doing things which people usually dont think of doing. Something out of the ordinary, something that is fresh and beyond people's imagination. Ideas, stories or actions which are not another run in the mill story. Thats when it catches the attention of people and reporters, news are eager to publish it.

Media and pseudo social responsibilities

2006-01-10T22:37:00.001-08:00

Well, heard about Hotel Rwanda from a friend of mine, he said it a must watch not only for the true story about the guy who managed to save the life of 1000 people during the genocide in Rwanda, but for the camera work and the directors handling of the entire project.

This lead me to read more about the genocide in Sudan, the ethinic cleansing that the Sudanese government is doing against the black sudanese...It made me think about the so called responsibility that media carries on its shoulders. The hurricanes in America and the devestation fetched more attention than the ethinic killing in Sudan where 60,000 to 400,00 people have been killed and many more are at the risk of losing their lives.

You open any news channel in the morning, you would be amazed by their tag lines 'sach dikhate hain hum' or 'sabse tez'. It's stale news that makes the headlines for days. I understand TRP ratings are important but why make it a business. Yesterday, Amitabh Bachchan asked for an apology for smoking cigar on the big screen..its was the headline through out the day. Sure he is the so called role model for many Indians, u talk of taking India into the future, dont you relaise that in the 21st century, children are not stupid to follow or imitate a person blindfoldly? If the next generation of India has to smoke, they will, the bans, the regulations cannot stop them.

Politics is a big bandwagon in India, everyday some one is doing something sensational and trying to catch the media's attention. There is no news about Jharsuguda and the radiation from the uranium mines, which is threatening the lives of the people out there. Are the lives of the glam and famous more important than the ordinary human beings? Does everything else become non-existant for us? Where is the responsibilty that media talks about and so proud to display? Are the poor and the down trodden only for the NGO's and philanthropists to take care of.

In 2005, the UN officially called the ethinic killings in Sudan as genocide, till then there was no news about it. International news in India is about fashion, big celebs and hyped US...come on there is a life beyond that. Everyday I see a new channel springing in the business of telling people wahts happening. This is sheer HYPOCRISY.

There are certain things called morals and ethics, lets not lose them. Yes, live for yourself, but try and live for the others, the helpless, the needy and the downtrodden.

On friendship

2006-01-08T23:22:00.000-08:00

Lately the word friendship has been worrying me a lot. One of my classmates in a casual session over coffee raised the topic of friends. For him friends are very important and making friends the ultimate goal in life. I wont say that he is wrong, we all have different perception and choices in life. He asked my views on friendship and I said that I dont believe in friends any more, for me all the people I know are either colleagues, acquaintances, classmates etc ...I could never call them a true friend of mine. Everybody there disagreed with me...

There was a time when my life revolved around friends, in school I would do home-work for them and ask my mother to bake a cake for my 'group' every fortnight. My mom would readily do it. You can say that I was stupid and not manupilative enough. I did whatever my heart said and would never complain. Afterall thats what friends are for!
Slowly though college and post graduation years I have realised friendship is a pseudo word. I have realised that people have agendas behind every action of theirs. Think and you would realise that every action of yours has a motive or a reason behind it. Yes, there are some actions which we do impulsively and don't give it a thought.(will discuss this in detail later).

I met my school friends after seven years. They were not my best buddies in school either but still I met them. I did feel good, seeing those faces again, which were part of my growing days. Well, at the dinner table I realised that there wasnt much connection in our thoughts.. it was plain silly talk and bit of flirting here and there.
We all must have been curious to note the changes in each others lives (personality, career, lifestyle etc) In a big city, we can stay connected b'cos, we can trust each other more than the new 'friends' we would make in the long run. Thats the unsaid agenda, thats the reason... well you can never deny that it is always fun talking about the school days and getting to know each other again.
A boy and a girl can never be friends. It took me time to realise this, but it is very true. Well, u know what girls are very confused regarding friends and relationships. We are very egoistic and love if people live by our terms and conditions. (these are my opinions..don't we all live our lives based on opinions??)
Friends are nice to have, they help you chill and ease your tension sometimes, they are good to hang out with, you can confine your deepest secrets in them...but there is always an agenda behind every thing.
I may be absolutly wrong in what I think, probably I am trying to cut down the emotions that are important to people. Probably I am looking out for a soul mate for a friend and I am sure my expectations are too high. Well, I know myself and I know that I make a good friend. However, the fact is I am losing my faith in a friend and that is provoking this...
Sometimes its nice to be stupid and do things without logic and practicality..did Rajneesh not say that too...I am bored and tired of doing things that people like..I am tired of thinking that I would be judged..I dont mind if people laugh at my idiosyncraises...its a lot more satisfactory to be just me!!

Disheveled dreams

2006-01-03T10:35:00.000-08:00

A mortal was born the day a seemingly normal God started thinking , started dreaming about the most desirable object in his/her life. He/she based all the future decisions on a positive outcome.Frankly, I feel so mortal today. Thinking about post Friday/Saturday. How life would be ? How would I manage to overcome all obstacles? Little do I realise that come what may , the results on friday/saturday might be important and that may make my life a little simpler, it's just a new avenue , a new venture in life. But it still is a big deal ..ehh..isn't it ? Gods above me ..please guide this immortal-yet-so-mortal.
Little do I realise that even if I achieve my dream, life would not be any simpler than what it is now? In fact, it will become a little more complicated. Yet, I eat,drink and sleep over achieving this dream. I wish I could become Comfortably numb....(which I know I would never,just too many hormones to become that !!)...
The anxious,nervous wait begins....Hope to carry on without succumbing to nervous breakdown....

Yo! Happy New Year Joe

2006-01-02T01:38:00.000-08:00

Yet another new year, yet another year of quit listening to pink Floyd, yet another year of running away from the miseries and hoping that this year would bring along all the joys and the happiness. That’s why every Joe in town utters the words to u ‘Happy New Year’.

Like every other conventional human being, I too made a wish. Wished that I could be like this ever, surrounded with my loved ones. I made another wish and crossed my heart thrice that I wont break it. I promised to God, that come what may I should overcome my procrastination and laziness. I would be a good employee of Indiainfo (it does not pay to be one anyways) and finish my daily core of writing articles.

The alchemist said, ‘When you wish to achieve something, nature conspires to help you.’ Ha, my first day of work in the New Year and I am writing this. Understand it, there is no work, the server is down and I am sure, my UK clients are still recuperating from the bash.

First resolution of 2006, goes down the drain on the first day of work. How bad can things go, well it isn’t my fault (good solace).

Resolutions for 2006:
Get a better job (be it Google or anyone)
As long as I am in Indiainfo.com, do work whole heartedly (enough of bunking office)
Shall overcome my procrastination
Control the booze
No more crazy thinking
Stay away from emotional fuckwitt people
Take a break from orkut (the most difficult one)
Be a little blunt when needed and set the priorities right

I doubt these resolutions will work, they always sound good and give you the will power. I can see myself giving in to all the resolutions I just decided and begin to sulk and crib all the more with a glass of stale whiskey in my hands.

Another new year

2005-12-31T12:01:00.000-08:00

Life has taken a whole U turn......I remember the 1st day of 2005 ... Loaded with work, I had to go to office on 1st Jan at 8 in the morning.... Things have changed since then... Now, I have no work and I have no idea about what I will be doing on each day. Which of the two situations are better ? Well, I like neither but if I had to choose one then I would surely be in the 1st position... And why not ? No insecurities, no fear , in fact, no time to think of anything that is happening in life... It surely is much better than just sitting infront of the idiot box not knowing what to do, pondering over the unchangeable situations in my life.....
2006 is here... "Happy new year".. heard this so many times from all my friends. When will the actual new year arrive in my life ? I have been in this situation ever since June and I have no idea when things are going to change ..sooner the better(obviously!!)...
On the new year's eve I was at home with my friends and loved ones...Boozing,fagging and eating... talking about the stupidest topics listening to pink floyd's comfortably numb ...As I enter the new year how I wish that I can actually achieve the mental state where I feel no pain and I am comfortably numb.... I would like to believe that such a state is possible... One heartening fact is that I am much closer to this state than I was last year... However, still a long way to go.....
As I eagerly wait for the next weekend(for my result) chewing on a sweet mix of fond memories and apprehensions of a miserable future ...I'll utter what all my friends have told me umpteen times during the last 24 hrs... "Happy new year"....

Graveyard Shi[f]t

2005-12-30T03:46:00.000-08:00

My only glimmer of hope tonight,
Is to get to u on time.

But as before, nobody answers the phone,
And sweat runs thick down my sides,
My only glimmer of hope gone,
Desolation seeps to the core inside.

The deamons of the dark are restless,
Mouths watering as they taste my fright,
As i lie before them defenseless,
Sniggering in the corners, they hide.

Slowly they circle, to cut off all escape,
Chuckeling at the ease of the kill,
Relishing at the sight of easy prey,
As my pride makes me more vulnerable.

jealousy first, then anger, lonelyness and greed,
Tear me leisurely to bits and pieces,
I watch paralyzed as they feed,
On my will to feel for our species.

Saliva of cynicism burns off my flesh,
And slowly they scrape it off my bones,
Gone is the want to fell emotions fresh,
I have turned to a pile of cold, clean stones.

The night is over, i have changed forever,
Emotionally dead, though physically safe,
I feel nothing, noteven a shiver,
As i stand with you at my own grave

A trip to remember

2005-12-30T00:06:00.000-08:00

This was our first trip to Kerela. Charmaigne, Guarav, Nishant and me took of immediately after our convocation day. The trip was mainly planned as Guarav was coming to bangalore and the guys wanted to go somewhere. So Kerala was in our mind. The beaches are wonderful and everybody had fun with the waves except me. Cos I am scared of water.

Well, I was pulled into the water but could not stay there fro long. the sound of the waves and the feeling of sand shifting beneath my feet made me very nervous and jittery. Since childhood I have always stayed away from water. I could never step into a swimming pool too. My mother is a very good swimmer but we stayed away cos some astrologer told her that going into the water was dangerous for me.

My mother does not know that I have been to Kerala and I dont intend on telling her either. This is a drive in beach near Kanuur and thats Nishant. Ha, he went into the waves but they were too strong for him. The trip was for two days. Probably bad for Gaurav as he lost his camera and his phone was ruined.
this was my first trip to Southern India and was a wonderful experience. :-)
gone to fight the waves
Originally uploaded by enigma 83.

The usual bashing

2005-12-27T23:11:00.000-08:00

20 years ago, I remember a family friend telling my parents that "God! u r so lucky to have two Sons". During the last few years, however, I beg to differ with u Uncle Sam(or whoever u r). 'It's a man's World' .. they keep on saying. Well, I disagree. Before I state my opinion let me tell u that my observation domain is Cosmopolitan and metropolitan cities and NOT the villages and smaller towns. The men and women in my discussion are all educated and from middle to upper class family.

Today the opportunities of career growth for a woman is far more than a man. Don't believe me.. Well, it's common scene.. Picture this ...A guy 25 years old , well educated , smart , good communication skill, blah, blah... is appearing for a job interview. A girl 23 years old(oops young!!), educated, pretty, woaah excellent communication skill, lacking basic common sense,blah,blah.... is also present at the centre for the same job opening. The guy enters the interview room and the interviewer(a 40 yr old guy with a bald patch as big as a moon) asks some stupid technical stuff and despite the stupidness and irrelevance of the question the guy answers all the questions correctly and to the satisfaction of the interviewer. The interviewer is impressed and tells the guy "We need a person like u in our company. We'll get back to u in 3 days." The guy walks out of the room happy and content. He goes straight to the nearby pub and orders a pitcher. Half an hour later, when two mugs of beer has gone down his belly, he sees the girl from the job interview entering the pub. The girl instantly recognises the guy(after all the guy had cleared some of the girl's doubts just prior to the interview). She comes and sits opposite the guy. "How was ur interview ?" ..the girl asks. The guy elaborates the interview experience and proudly says "The interviewer was impressed with me, I might have got the job." He then asks the girl about her interview. She says "The interviewer was a bastard. He didn't ask me any technical stuff only asked some personal questions." (Oh! ya as if you wanted the interviewer to ask u technical questions..) .. "But he kept staring at me , i guess he was trying to hit on me.But hell who minds, he gave me the offer letter." "What the F@*# " the guy thought.Two days later the guy receives a call from the interviewer telling him that it was a pleasure talking to him but unfortunately they had found a more SUITABLE match for the job opening.

Whenever u find a group of gals u will always hear "All men are bastards..blah..blah". Guys too reciprocate in the same vein by saying "All women are bitches". Girls will say that they have to face all kind of social abuse molestation, eve teasing, rape to name a few and that guys are luckier on this front.
I agree madam that few girls do face social abuse and that's the only point u have against men. A man however never complains about how u have taken over the opportunities from us. A man has to work in order to be respected by others. I doubt if a woman has the compulsion of working even in 21st century. A woman is plain bored to sit at home and hence has to work. But she always has the last option(the most usual option) of marrying a BASTARD who is earning in millions.Girls talk about gender equality. "Why don't men treat us with respect?" Well, most of us do but then it's looked upon as "now u are coming on me too strong". In buses, trains etc. u expect a reserved seat for ladies(gender equailty , huh!!??), separate queues for ladies ( wow!!). And finally, if men are bastards why do u girls talk so much about us guys ? Men are bastards, I agree, but u need them as boyfriends for spending on ur long list of cosmetics, gifts et all. Well, u r right when u say that guys will never understand gals but all I have to say to vice-versa is "ditto".

Before I end - I drew inspiration to write this blog from a girl who thinks that like most(ALL) guys I am also the inconsiderate,indifferent bastard. Psst...by the way the girl's bill in that pub was paid by the jobless guy :-)

A seemingly simple question

2005-12-26T13:21:00.000-08:00

Have u ever wondered what is the most precious object in ur life right now ? Object can be a thing, human being, a qaulity within urself or someone u admire or anything that u can imagine.

Comments are welcome... Psst... I know my answer...

A little Bit about my Office

2005-12-26T04:44:00.000-08:00

My day doesn't get over if i dont crib about my office a little. Yeah, I too belong to the league of unsatisfied employees..I hate my office, i hated my collegue (thank God he is not here to read this, he he ..phew) I hate the place where I sit.

I have crazy, weird people sitting around me. There is a fat tomato who sits behind me and checks out girls the whole day. Next to him a confused soul, I have never heard him talk.. he only knows how to stare and speak in Tamil.. Adjecent to me sits another confused guy, he hates talking. While on the other end occupying the chairs are an array of women, who cant stop yapping and hogging. No way, I dont wanna talk about them cos I know I cant stop ;-)

My VP sucks big time too, he is the big fish in the pond and a perfectionist. Ohh, yes my reporting head, I have heard that he was a well-known journalist in Kerala and hosted a lot of TV shows.. (he doesn't look like one) Grr...
Chalo, the day is over, all have gone and its my turn to take a break...will come back to this shit hole tomorrow.

The Christmas Eve

2005-12-25T21:54:00.000-08:00

24th December, 2005, boredom reached its peak. It was 5.30 in the evening and I had nothing to do. In my restlessness I started watching the old Shahrukh Kan movie ' Kuch Kuch Hota Hain'. I liked it when I saw it for the first time... yes like every other Shahrukh fan, I too got misty eyed when Kajol was on the verge of getting married to Salman Khan.. and both meet on the terrace for the last time and say the immortal words of the movie ' Tum nahi jante Anjali- Kuch Kuch Hota Hain'. Well no offence ment to the director, but you cant go on crying eveyrtim you see it. I had just started with the first meeting of Rani and Shahrukh Khan when an array of comments filled the room. " Are you crazy? Sharam nahi aati Shahrukh Khan ki movie delkti ho? Yeah now we know that you too are a fan of the @#%#$....(Woah! that was too much to bear..well I am not a fan of that @#$^%@..no offence to Mr Khan and his fans ...but I dont like him either..I was just trying to come out of my boredom (innocent eyed).
The movie was gone, TV switched off ... I had nothing to do ..went and stood in the balcony when Nishy babe came and said that there was a party at IIMB.. would I be inteterested? Oh hell! I would be interested.. who would miss such a chance..Left for the pary immediately..the IIM B campus reminded me of my college, SSSIHL ...the same setting, the same kind of buiding ..but we had lot more restrictions that these fellas had...Grr

The party was organised by the alumi..who cared, as usual i was interested in the music, the dance floor and the kind of crowd. The guys got whisky for themselves and got me vodka. I remembered the promise I made to myself that I wont drink again...naah I could not keep it...Anyways the dance floor was full of funny people..

there was a nerdy surdy with a beautiful and hot wife (i guess) ..she was a good dancer while the surdy was confused. He was throwing his hands in the air and doing a very mordenised and slack version of bhangra..in other words a shame while his wife was doing an indianised version of salsa! It was fun watching people enjoy on the dance floor. No one cared about the dancing steps, the agenda was to enjoy and have fun. It was probably a nostalgic moment for the alumni... they were back in their campus after so many years..and they were enjoying. Well, the Dj did suck big time ...he never seemed to know the right song to follow a good dance beat ..but no one complained, yeah except me. When Kajrare started it was difficult to stand still on the floor.. and Nishant and me joined the crowd, we pulled Gaurav too but he was too shy..there was no stop to it ..Crazy frog and macerena kept my feet tapping and I danced beyong my limit Accidently I stepped on a foreigner standing next to me...I'm sure she must have cursed me real hard phew ! my heels must have definitely hurt her. Ha, the party continued till early morning but we left by 3 am when the drinks got over and the music was gettin worse...
It was fun and a very casual christmas party and I am still suffering from the hangover..well its not the booze this time ;-)

A New Beginning

2005-12-25T21:53:00.001-08:00

I promised myself that I would not start blogging again. Like my other promises, this promise too went down the drain. Someone asked me why have I stopped blogging? I did not have an answer. Yeah there was a time when

I wanted to erase memories. I wanted to forget things, moments that were part of my life. Little did I realise that certain things can be erased on paper but the memories stay and stay for ever.

I wanted to make a new start, I was restless, perturbed, did not know where to start from. In my confusion, I assumed that hurting myself emotionally would be the best way to make a new beginning. I was wrong, hurting oneself is the worst thing one can to him or herself.

Therefore, I decided to start doing what I had left half finished. This blog of mine would contain everything about me. My believes, values and ambitions. Mostly it will be about the people who have influenced my life in any way. I wont leave it unfinished this time...